so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
