I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
