My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
