i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
