Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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