Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
