I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
