she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
