my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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