Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
