apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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