So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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