I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
