May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Boobs speak an international language.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize