I cut my penus on the lid.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
