I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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