i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
