I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
