We're like a lot better than the average bears
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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