I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
