What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
