call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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