yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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