Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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