you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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