Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
