I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
