Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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