Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
