Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
