Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
