and my herpes radar will keep us safe
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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