that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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