I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
