As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
