He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
