some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize