You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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