She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
