When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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