i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
