he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
