All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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