We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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