I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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