ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
