I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
