You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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