I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
