Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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