I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
