I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
