Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He did a backflip because drugs
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