I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
