I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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