I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
