I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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