Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
