i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
