If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
