You can't motorboat a personality
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
