The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
