I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
