So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize