made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
