xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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