if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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