Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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